1. |
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i've been out in the cold for days
your near-whispered voice calls me in like the dinner bell
you said "what are you thinking? i tried to navigate your face
but i've only been here a couple months, i still don't know my way around"
i said "thoughts and prayers to the families of the people in my life
i swear, i swear i know i'm sorry won't suffice
'cause years of blame for my mistakes turn into glaciers in their eyes
and those glaciers will crush us both in time"
but all i had to ask was to be wrapped in your embrace
your palms upon my back were two masts, your breathing filled my sails
you said "i know the feeling. i can't remember last i made it through a day
without being morbidly afraid i let someone down"
you said "thoughts and prayers to the families of the people in my life
i swear, i swear i know i'm sorry don't suffice
'cause years of blame for my mistakes turn into glaciers in their eyes
and those glaciers will crush us both in time"
and that blame will rape me, take my safety, break my piece of mind
unless you and i can help each other leave all that behind
and stand tall and silent like the pines
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2. |
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i love all my friends
but do they love me back like i do? i don't know
my head's cracked, its contents
run and leak from my lips
it's not sanitary, comfortable, cool
it's not compliant with the rules
milieu like a hammer to my spine, a whip across my eyes
show me the value of my life or i'll just die
i'll just fade into blue
a mountain in the distance, what a beautiful view
too far to see the tunnels and the mines in my system
my life crumbles, i pine for resistance
i trip, stumble, and fly into the minutes
i'm riding my condition like a ship into the night
i'll make a full magellan 'fore i get back to business
i'm in this every fucking day, i'll never get out
without an empathetic face to lay beside me when i head south
ain't no one provides when they not obligated to
so it's fine, i'm just fine, i'm fucking fine
let's pretend now
relationship that feels like a friend till i have my dick out
and friends feel like acquaintances so in a sense she barely know me
her innocence make me lonely, i'm her one and only
phony, make believe i'm still the old me
but the person who inhabited this body is dead
it was murder they wrote, but it ain't murder she read
i'm not concerned with our hope, i only want a place to bury my debt
a last home, gravestone at my head
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3. |
missing (even the oaks)
04:28
|
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how did i end up like this
well, a magician never reveals their tricks
but if i slip up i'm sure you'll be the first to know
you're a soft, cool, fading morning mist
pausing only to sigh, "the timing wasn't right"
and with a light that feels like spit i'm left alone
i liked you to death, love
and now you're the ghost that haunts my health
i wanted to be your rest, love
i can't build a home for just myself
(x3)
this place is a mess now
and even the oaks knew how you felt
and they won't forget, no
i can't be a home for just myself
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4. |
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i've been violently thrust out in search of new normal
in search of just fine or a silence immortal
that can withstand the blows of attempts to be happy gone wrong
yeah i know death fits the bill, don't remind me
i don't wanna supply my endorphins with another cheap thrill
'cause in this notebook i hate i've been drafting my will in each song
so far it all goes to you, yeah it's sad but the truth is
from that first night we danced, when my madness was new
we both knew
now there's only one thing left to do
and that's find an excuse to move on
or not
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5. |
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fresh outta reasons for doubt, i fell asleep on the couch
staring at the spider on the ceiling with a smirk at her mouth
'cause she knew, we all did
while i was lurching about, caring more than i should about the details
a girl was hurting and i was burning for change
but scared of living without flurries of snow disturbing the shame
that kept me grounded in the last remains
of a life i hurried to leave in all other ways
can't believe we tried to churn this shit out
for so many years, for so many days
ask me how i'm feeling, i don't know what to say
is a coherent emotion showing up on my face?
pour a glass of mom's bourbon and pretend i'm okay
or that it helps, or that i need that kinda help in my brain
poison chemical, soaking into my haze
add to the headache
hang me up like a pelt on the wall of your life and times
at least it wasn't by surprise
no lies, no lens, no friends left alive
that's a fear i can barely take
that's a fear i can barely say
that it wasn't even her that made my heart stop and my earth quake
my eyes drop 'cause there'll never be a first date
i'm cursed far beyond my thirst takes me
i'm patient in the face of pain, but that's further than even i'd wait
and watch the tropical storm become a hurricane
but i fell asleep with the candles lit
now they melted the candlestick
and that's how this shit went
before i knew it my screw was stripped
from twisting to pull out of you
and that's how this shit went
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6. |
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you were my global warming
i ran out of time, like i didn't see this coming for miles
and all the signs that were pointing to me
lying on your floor at six in the morning
all my friends ignored me
and i didn't mind 'cause you and i were attached at the spine
until that night i spent beside your bed
you slept through my lacerated goodbye
but i'm just dying forever
so if i really think about it not a cell has changed for you
i'm just dying forever
so if i really think about it not a cell has changed for you
this was my record storm
the night i found out heaven and hell were the same place
face down in your wedding-gown-white shag rug
no escape, love hit me like the hot sea foaming
holy shit, you were my global warming
i acted surprised, like i didn't see this coming for miles
and all the signs that were pointing to me
lying on your floor, wanting to die
but we're just dying forever
so if i really think about it not a cell has changed for you
i'm just dying forever
so if i really think about it not a cell has changed for you
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7. |
salado (sometimes)
02:46
|
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|
i memorize how my friends move
but for you the archive grew in such a short amount of time
and now all i can think about are the various
smiles you twist your mouth into to prove that you only want me sometimes
i will bat my eyes at any stranger who comes through my house
but only you can turn a room into the place that i keep dreaming about
and all i can do for you is stick around
and try to keep from sinking deep into the way you washed away my doubt
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8. |
escaping summer (wisps)
01:50
|
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last year you were my back brace
you were my balance beam in this tightrope race
but you didn't want me
so it's grey dusk for decades
if time was real he'd show his face
but as it is, i know that nothing's changed
never have i been older
never have i been over you
these leaves are trees, lonely, blowing kisses to the moon
and every millimeter of every creature living in my room
is pale blue
wisps
staring at me in silence
they're all shapes and sizes
staring straight through my eyelids
i can almost feel them humming to each other in unison
sad vibrations of a fool's contrivance
as i relive our memories
haunted by your likeness
deep in the darkness, violently writhing
tied in my bedsheets
hope is a kitestring and i'm in a thunderstorm with my heart out flying
but that's the price i pay
for stoking my desire till it came out spitting and biting
hissing and writing long letters over text and deleting them
'cause even now i'm still hiding
i'm still hiding from you
i'm still hiding from you
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